Today is my grandma's 88th birthday. I wonder if she feels 58 on the inside. Or maybe 28. I wonder this because I'm 35, but inside I feel more like 25. Or 15. And then I wonder, "How can I have a middle school son when I vividly remember being a middle schooler?" Aren't adults just supposed to be old--on the outside and on the inside? That's what kids think. Adults were never young, and even if they were, they sure don't remember what it's like to
be young. So why am I an adult, yet I feel like I'm not? And how did my baby become a middle schooler?
Just in case you think I've turned into a basket case--fear not. :) I've been rather proud of the way I've handled my emotions this week. No tears! No heartbreaks! When Braylen's friends ring the doorbell signaling it's time for him to walk to school, I give him a fist bump. No hug and kiss--that comes at bedtime. (thank goodness!)
I watch Braylen walk away with his friends, and I hear Kaleb and Aaron playing demolition derby with their hotwheels. It's like I'm living in several different dimensions--standing in the gap between full-fledged adolescence and child's-play, and yet trying to find my way as the parent in all of this. Did my parents (gasp!) feel young when I was Braylen's age? Did they struggle with letting go of their baby? Nobody tells you this when you have a baby. You never imagine yourself reaching these milestones and releasing your kids bit by bit. One day it just happens and you're left thinking, "Huh?"
I look ahead 2 years and envision Kaleb walking to middle school with Braylen. And then Aaron walking alone in 6th grade, because that will be the year Kaleb starts high school. And just like that--our time with our kids in our home will be over. When they hand you your baby in the hospital, you think you have forever. When you're up late with feedings and diapers, you think you have forever. When toilet training is a real pain, you think you have forever. When did I stop feeling like I had forever?
The title of this post should have warned you--taking a peek inside my mind can be a bit...dramatic. That's probably why I don't spill it online very often. My lucky husband (ha!) hears enough of my ramblings day in and day out, that I usually don't feel the need to type it all out. I guess 4 days of a quiet house finally got to me. :)
I'm trying to learn the art of asking good questions. Braylen doesn't offer up much information about his day, so I need to get creative with my questions. I also need to be willing to listen when he's finally ready to talk. So far I've learned that his science teacher wants kids to fail, since it's better to fail in 6th grade than in college. How comforting! (did you catch the sarcasm?) I've learned that lots of kids are weird, that he has no trouble opening his locker, and he sits with different kids at lunch every day. I don't know their names, because when I asked, Braylen didn't know. That about sums up what I know about middle school.
4th grade seems like it will be another good year for Kaleb. More is expected of him this year, but he'll adjust. I'm trying to keep up with the technology--much of elementary school is online these days. Long gone are the math fact sheets--they take timed tests online. Last night he logged on at home and showed me how he needs to practice his facts. There are multiple websites our school uses for all sorts of subjects, and just when I've bookmarked them all--there's more! My inbox fills up fast when the boys take tests, since I receive an email for every test they take online. I also receive their daily planners through email. Information overload! But at least I know what they're up to! :)
Because of the new addition at our elementary school, Aaron's 1st grade class is now in one of the former 5th grade rooms. Weird for me, normal for him. His teacher is a new college graduate, and has to be all of what--22 years old? Again, weird for me, normal for Aaron. He's happy to be back at school with his friends, not so happy when it's noisy and he tells me he's the only one who was quiet. He says his teacher repeatedly makes a certain sound throughout the day, and when he asked me why, I told him it's probably just a habit she has. He answered back, "Well, my habit is farting!" Oh, how I love having a 1st grader! :)
We have an international theme at our elementary school this year. Each teacher chose a country for her/his classroom, there are hundreds of tiny flags hanging
everywhere, and a HUGE globe suspended in the entrance. Kaleb's in Ireland, and Aaron's in Sweden. After visiting Kaleb's curriculum night last night, I felt Irish. :)
And that's enough pondering and wondering for today. I even threw in some rambling. Here's to another good school year!
