We received a diagnosis for Aaron's symptoms last week. Although it was just a formality...in my heart I knew what I was seeing the moment I first saw it. He's having absence seizures. They are very easy to miss, since there are no convulsions with this type of seizure. He simply stares ahead for a few seconds, mentally "checks out," and is unable to speak or respond to what's happening around him. If he's speaking when it happens, he stops talking. If he's standing, he keeps standing. He doesn't fall down. Some last 3-5 seconds. Some last 15 seconds. Sometimes he remembers what was said during his absence. Sometimes he doesn't. We think they are increasing in frequency because he's starting to tell us he's missing things his teacher says.
We opted to medicate him for several reasons. First, we don't want him to suffer with these and fall behind in school. Second, there is a family history of a different type of seizure disorder, and we want to try and protect Aaron from that. So far Aaron's been on this medication for six days. There are side effects, but I think they are beginning to fade. Praise the Lord for that! This medicine makes him drowsy, irritable, and gives him an upset stomach. We are not seeing any reduction in the number of seizures, but that is to be expected right now. This medicine needs to come to a therapeutic level in his body before we can expect to see results. Our prayer is that once we get Aaron's dose to a therapeutic level, this medicine will stop his seizures. If it doesn't, then we will need to see the specialist that our pediatrician is currently consulting with. For now, we will go with this plan.
Aaron hates his medicine. It tastes bad. It makes him feel bad. But when I tell him I'm sorry, he tells me it's not my fault. He says, "I need to take this medicine to get rid of the problem, even if it gives me other problems." Sweet boy. My mother's heart hurts over this. I would gladly take this off of him and place it upon myself if I could. But I can't. God knows my weakness, that my faith is weak when my child is hurting. So, He gave me a glimpse of His power when I was at my weakest moment. When I called our school nurse to report this diagnosis and treatment plan, guess what? She responded with, "I took that same medicine when I was a child." What?!?!? You mean to tell me, I can talk with a nurse about what Aaron's feeling, and she can answer me because she's taken it herself? Out of all the conditions and medications out there, we have a school nurse with the exact same thing in her past? Okay God, I'm listening. This nurse tells me how Aaron's feeling, tells me how long he will feel this way, and speaks to my heart in a way that even our doctor could not. It was like the Holy Spirit was telling me, "See what I'm doing? I'm handling it. Don't be afraid."
God didn't stop there. On the day we received the diagnosis, my cell phone rang. Some friends of ours, who had no idea what were going through with Aaron, called to ask if they could come pick up our van and take it to their mechanic. Since Derek was swamped at work and I was wrapped up in Aaron's medical needs, the van still sat in the garage after being towed home the week before. It was weighing on my mind, but I could only deal with so much, and Aaron came first. When I told my friend we would be humbled and grateful to accept their help, I explained why her call was so timely. There were a few happy tears on both ends of the phone call. :) Since they refused to let us pay for the repair, Derek and I have decided to "pay this forward" when an opportunity comes our way. In my heart I heard this whisper from the Lord: "If I can fix your van, I can fix your son. I'm handling it. Don't be afraid."
Did I plan for this to happen? For Aaron to take medicine for years to come, for routine blood draws and diagnostic tests, with always a possibility that this will progress into a more difficult seizure disorder? No way. I didn't plan for this and I didn't want this. I still don't. But from the beginning, I've seen God all over this. He sustained Aaron in the womb when all looked lost. He's given him a healthy childhood and provided us with doctors and nurses to help us with this. He's determining our steps. I like how The Message translates Proverbs 16:9: "We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it."
He's determining our steps. He's making us able to live it. :)
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