I've reached the point where tears spring up all the time for me, with no warning, and it's a battle to keep them from spilling over. A song, a laugh, a look, a memory...it doesn't take much. I walked into his room today to wash his sheets and realized next time we put new sheets on his bed it will be the one in his dorm room.
His birthday is 2 weeks from today, so birthday prep and college readiness all gets rolled up into one big emotional package. And to tie it all up with a big red bow? The day after we return from taking Braylen to school in Ohio, Derek leaves home for three months to attend Command School, a requirement for work.
I am trusting that God will provide for my every need, because right now it just feels like a whole lot of hurt and pain.
I'm going to miss the way we were. Braylen will come home again, but things will never be as they are right now. I'm living in the last days, so to speak, of almost 19 years of parenting. Soon we will watch Braylen leave us and begin his future, his life apart from us.
I remember how I felt as the new college freshman. My parents released me well, and I want to give that same gift to my son. He's excited to start college, and if I set aside the loss I will endure, I'm excited for him! Truly, there is great joy in these last days at home.
We've had really wonderful vacations together as a family this summer. We went camping in the Black Hills at our favorite campground, revisiting some of our favorite stops and exploring some new ones. It rained almost the entire time, but that gave us lots of family time in the camper that we wouldn't have had on sunny days. We also took a trip to Colorado with all of our extended family, the third time we've done this at "The Big House" in Tabernash. For an entire week we had fun together, kind of like our last hurrah of summer, without the outside influences of "real life." I'm extremely thankful for those vacations.
There are many times this summer where I've allowed myself to remember the good old days. :) I sit on my porch swing and remember the boys playing in the driveway, lighting off fireworks every summer, running through sprinklers, riding bikes, and driving a Jeep around the circle. I look at the kids next door playing on our swing set and I remember my kids playing on that same swing set. I remember all of my boys' friends, from when they were small to where they are now. I've loved having them here for all kinds of reasons. Braylen recently used our driveway to teach one of his buddies how to change oil in his vehicle. Together with my boys, they bring so much life to our home.
Remembering all of these things and pondering them in my heart is all part of the process of letting go. I'll be ready, because Braylen is ready.
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