Plans and Steps

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

We received a diagnosis for Aaron's symptoms last week. Although it was just a formality...in my heart I knew what I was seeing the moment I first saw it. He's having absence seizures. They are very easy to miss, since there are no convulsions with this type of seizure. He simply stares ahead for a few seconds, mentally "checks out," and is unable to speak or respond to what's happening around him. If he's speaking when it happens, he stops talking. If he's standing, he keeps standing. He doesn't fall down. Some last 3-5 seconds. Some last 15 seconds. Sometimes he remembers what was said during his absence. Sometimes he doesn't. We think they are increasing in frequency because he's starting to tell us he's missing things his teacher says.

We opted to medicate him for several reasons. First, we don't want him to suffer with these and fall behind in school. Second, there is a family history of a different type of seizure disorder, and we want to try and protect Aaron from that. So far Aaron's been on this medication for six days. There are side effects, but I think they are beginning to fade. Praise the Lord for that! This medicine makes him drowsy, irritable, and gives him an upset stomach. We are not seeing any reduction in the number of seizures, but that is to be expected right now. This medicine needs to come to a therapeutic level in his body before we can expect to see results. Our prayer is that once we get Aaron's dose to a therapeutic level, this medicine will stop his seizures. If it doesn't, then we will need to see the specialist that our pediatrician is currently consulting with. For now, we will go with this plan.

Aaron hates his medicine. It tastes bad. It makes him feel bad. But when I tell him I'm sorry, he tells me it's not my fault. He says, "I need to take this medicine to get rid of the problem, even if it gives me other problems." Sweet boy. My mother's heart hurts over this. I would gladly take this off of him and place it upon myself if I could. But I can't. God knows my weakness, that my faith is weak when my child is hurting. So, He gave me a glimpse of His power when I was at my weakest moment. When I called our school nurse to report this diagnosis and treatment plan, guess what? She responded with, "I took that same medicine when I was a child." What?!?!? You mean to tell me, I can talk with a nurse about what Aaron's feeling, and she can answer me because she's taken it herself? Out of all the conditions and medications out there, we have a school nurse with the exact same thing in her past? Okay God, I'm listening. This nurse tells me how Aaron's feeling, tells me how long he will feel this way, and speaks to my heart in a way that even our doctor could not. It was like the Holy Spirit was telling me, "See what I'm doing? I'm handling it. Don't be afraid."

God didn't stop there. On the day we received the diagnosis, my cell phone rang. Some friends of ours, who had no idea what were going through with Aaron, called to ask if they could come pick up our van and take it to their mechanic. Since Derek was swamped at work and I was wrapped up in Aaron's medical needs, the van still sat in the garage after being towed home the week before. It was weighing on my mind, but I could only deal with so much, and Aaron came first. When I told my friend we would be humbled and grateful to accept their help, I explained why her call was so timely. There were a few happy tears on both ends of the phone call. :) Since they refused to let us pay for the repair, Derek and I have decided to "pay this forward" when an opportunity comes our way. In my heart I heard this whisper from the Lord: "If I can fix your van, I can fix your son. I'm handling it. Don't be afraid."

Did I plan for this to happen? For Aaron to take medicine for years to come, for routine blood draws and diagnostic tests, with always a possibility that this will progress into a more difficult seizure disorder? No way. I didn't plan for this and I didn't want this. I still don't. But from the beginning, I've seen God all over this. He sustained Aaron in the womb when all looked lost. He's given him a healthy childhood and provided us with doctors and nurses to help us with this. He's determining our steps. I like how The Message translates Proverbs 16:9: "We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it."

He's determining our steps. He's making us able to live it. :)

Comic Life

I think the creators of several comic strips must spy on our family for inspiration. I frequently think "Baby Blues," "Family Circus," "Dennis the Menace," and occasionally, "Zits," portray our lives well.

This week I found THE perfect comic strip for Kaleb. I clipped it out of the newspaper and left it on the counter for him to find. He didn't let me down. :) After reading it he said, "This is the best comic ever!"

Sometimes all it takes is a simple comic strip to make our day. :)

Real Life

I'm glad this is the month of Thanksgiving. It helps keep me on the right track. It would be easy to get wrapped up in my own problems and do nothing but fret and worry and complain. But I'm learning there's a much better way to live. Especially in the middle of "one of those days." Or one of those weeks. Or one of those months.

Aaron had his EEG this morning. We should know more tomorrow when our doctor calls us. Our van gave us problems on Saturday. We were hours from home...so we rented a car and left our van behind. Derek and his dad retrieved it with a trailer on Sunday. Our internet went down for a few days. It's back again, better than ever. (pretty minor when compared to the rest of our life, but still an inconvenience!) Work keeps piling up for Derek, causing him to work late almost every night. Although, this overtime is probably how God is providing for our financial needs...hospital tests and van repairs are not cheap. And we have a birthday and Christmas to prepare for...

I don't really have a purpose with this post. I guess it's just an update on our life right now. Like everyone else, we're walking through some things I'd rather not have to walk through. But we're not stuck in a pity party. We really do have lots to be thankful for.

Here are a few fun moments we've been blessed with.

Aaron told me not to post this, but I can't resist. We painted rocks with nail polish.
He asked me to paint my nails in the same pattern as the stripes on the brick.
Right now I have 10 different polish colors on my fingernails. :)
This shows I will do anything for my son!

Derek and I were treated to a football game with his brother and sis-in-law:
two of our very best friends!

We even took Aaron out to breakfast this morning after his test. Events that happened within our community mean Derek has quite a day and night ahead of him...but he came with us to the hospital and I'm thankful for that. Aaron painted "God is good" on his rock, and I have to agree with what he painted.

Halloween Happenings

Some things were different this Halloween. Some things were the same. I guess that's the story of my life with growing kids. :) All 3 boys carved pumpkins this year. It was a fun family event that we almost forgot to do! Braylen carved his own pumpkin from start to finish. Derek and I helped Kaleb and Aaron, and had fun doing so. Aaron continues to love all the seeds, and Kaleb loves the mushy pumpkin guts. Braylen prided himself on how well he cleaned his pumpkin, saying he must have his dad's skills. Each boy designed his own face and I think what they created reflects their personalities.

Braylen's pumpkin has a huge smile, just like him.
Kaleb's pumpkin and face carving are perfectly round and proportioned, reflecting his perfectionist personality.
Aaron's pumpkin has a goofy, crooked smile...he's been known for his funny faces since birth. 

Trick-or-treating looked different this year. Braylen walked home from school with a friend and stayed there all afternoon and evening. They had fun together, but I missed having my boy here with us. We invited some friends over for supper...actually, they invited themselves, but they're good enough friends that they have the right to do that. :) I set the table with all my football serving pieces. (thanks Eric and Amber!) I wish I had a picture.

Of course I took pictures of the trick-or-treating. Our nieces came over to walk around our neighborhood with us. We were a group of 6 adults and 7 kids. And one dog who wondered why in the world were we walking so slow?

Can you spot my NASCAR driver and Clone Trooper?

Here they are with Ginger Girl.

Aaron carried his blaster gun with him the entire time!

Of course they had to show you what they're REALLY like. :)

This time of year always brings back memories of 2003 for me. It was the day after Halloween, I was 17 weeks into my pregnancy with Aaron, and I thought I lost him. I drove myself to the hospital while Derek took our boys to his parents' house. That was the hardest drive of my life. Many miracles later, Aaron is a healthy 7 and 1/2 year old boy. He completes our family perfectly.

The day after Halloween 2011...Aaron has a doctor's appointment. I find myself wishing we didn't have to take him to the doctor. I want to deny there's anything wrong with him. Then I remember November 1st, 2003. When all hope was lost, God asked us to trust Him. How Aaron's life was sustained through all the complications of my pregnancy--only God could have done that. How fitting that this trial with Aaron falls on the exact same date as it did 8 years ago. I believe that our God is a God of order. A God of intentionality. There are no coincidences. He's asking us to trust Him again, and he's using the same date on the calendar. How cool is that? I'm working on that trust, moment by moment.

This is not a life-threatening issue. Not at all. So many people go through much harder stuff than this. Next week Aaron will have an EEG, and hopefully we'll know more after that. Until then, we are choosing to remember God's faithfulness.

Psalms 77:11-12

"I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember Your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all Your works and consider all Your mighty deeds."